The key to a better sex life is learning to feel what you do and do not want in each moment. Many of us struggle with that. This is no surprise as societal norms tell us that the list of things we ‘should’ enjoy is really quite short.
These accepted types of pleasure are often very gendered too: women are expected to be the perfect mix of horny and obedient, while men are pressured to take the lead and ‘perform’. Non-binary people are not even acknowledged, and are often forced in one of the two boxes. If you’re LGBTIQ+ or BIPOC, there’s even more pressure to behave a certain way, often for safety reasons. These kinds of expectations apply to both daily life as well as sex.
But the world is not as black and white as society likes us to believe it is, and every person on this planet has their own unique wants, needs and boundaries. If you can get a firm grasp on those, sex becomes a rich landscape full of stuff to explore and enjoy. Somatic sex coaching can help you get to know yourself beyond societies’ expectations, by giving you tools to learn what desires and boundaries actually feel like in your body.
During a sexological bodywork session, an experienced and well-trained sex coach will help you connect with your body through body-based exercises. These exercises will help you learn to slow down and focus on what feels good rather than what you think should feel good.
You might uncover old hurt or discover new exciting things about yourself. You might explore a desire you’ve never dared to acknowledge before, or work on your self-image. Maybe there are things related to gender you want to work with, or questions around your sexual or romantic preference.
During somatic sex coaching, you’ll learn to create new habits and practices that serve your pleasure and learning. You do all of that by listening to what your body tells you.
Because the exercises are body based, sometimes touch is involved. Practicing with being touched while staying present with your own desires and boundaries can be incredibly valuable. That can be done with self-touch, touch by a partner, or touch by your sex coach. The latter only happens with your explicit consent and only if it is useful to your learning.
Sexological bodywork has many benefits for many people. These benefits include:
- being able to safely explore budding curiosities around your sexuality;
- learning to feel more connected to your body;
- learning to experience more pleasure;
- discovering what “pleasure” means to you;
- learning to (re)connect to pleasure after surgery and/or trauma;
- learning how to handle scar tissue and other sensitive areas;
- being more present in your sexuality;
- getting more control over if, when, and how you orgasm;
- learning to prioritise your desires over what you think you “should” want;
- learning to notice, value and communicate your boundaries as they come up;
- creating a (sex) life centred around what actually feels good instead of chasing a goal.
It can feel really scary and vulnerable to start working with a sexological bodyworker. Many people are nervous about it, so you are not alone if that is you. There are many rules and boundaries in place to make sure you’re safe and comfortable.
For example: sexological bodyworkers keep their clothes on during sessions, and, bar a couple very specific exercises, touch goes from coach to client, not the other way around. We also leave it up to you to decide whether or not you want to take your clothes off, and we’ll never touch you without consent.
To become certified as a sexological bodyworker, you have to complete an intensive training programme. This training includes learning about bodywork techniques, breathwork, trauma awareness and anatomy. As sexological bodyworkers, we also go through many of the same processes that we later guide our clients through. Once the training is complete, most sexological bodyworkers become part of a professional association that provides us with peer support and supervision, as well as a code of ethics.
Are you curious about what sexological bodywork can do for you? I’m an experienced and well-trained sex coach and I would love to help you. You can book a free introduction call to find out if this is something that suits you. Do you have questions? Check out the FAQ or contact me!