Being more in touch with your body is about building the capacity to stay present with what you are experiencing. For many, this is especially challenging when feeling intense sensations or emotions, whether they are pleasurable or not. Through gentle and loving practice, you can start to become more skilled at inhabiting your body more fully.
Breath comes first
Take a moment to notice: what is your breath like right now? Shallow or deep? Does it land in the belly or the chest? Or somewhere else? Can you feel the fabric of your clothes as your breath moves your body? You don’t have to change anything about your breath. Just notice. Acknowledge any judgement you might feel around your breath as well.
You might notice that even if you’re not consciously changing anything about your breath, it does change somewhat when you put your focus on it. That’s fine.
If you do want to use your breath in a more intentional way during sex, here are some tips:
- Are you drifting off? Breath is a great way to support coming back into the body. Every time you get distracted, breathe in for 3 seconds and out for 5.
- Want to get a bit more energised? Try this: Breathe in, breathe in again, and breathe out. Try out different speeds to find out what works for you in each moment. You can combine this with contracting (in-breath) and relaxing (out-breath) the pelvic floor muscles.
- Breath can also support expanding orgasmic sensations: when you are at the edge of orgasm, stop your touch and movement, and take a deep breath in. Imagine you are pulling up that delicious feeling in your genitals towards your heart. Relax on the out-breath. Do as many of those in-breaths as you like. Repeat until you have had enough, or want to go for that orgasm.
Now slow down
When during sex you notice you are not as present as you would like to be, take a moment to appreciate that you have noticed this. Well done 🙂
Now take a breath, and slow down whatever you were doing to half the speed (if others are involved: communicate this with them). What does that feel like? Keep going at this slower speed, or slow down even more. Keep noticing: what can you feel?
You can practice this outside of sexy situations too: try a slower walk, slower movements when your taking a shower, or slowing down when cooking.
Focus on your senses
Your senses are what anchor you in the present, so use them. What can you see? Smell? Hear? Taste? Feel?
The answer does not have to be sexy, it just has to be true. You can see the window? Fantastic! You can feel the chair? Perfect! You can smell fresh linen? Well done!
It will all help you to come back into presence with yourself and what you were doing.
Practice practice practice
Make it a habit to notice whenever you’d like to be more present, and use the tools above:
Use intentional breath regularly: for anchoring, energising or expanding sensations;
Slow down as a way to experience the world more fully;
Notice what your senses are picking up: What does that orange peel feel like? What can you smell when taking a walk? How many colours can you distinguish on that nice feather you picked up the other day?
Being present is like a muscle you can train, so practice every day.
My online course ‘Feeling more Pleasure – The Home Practice Starter Kit’ takes you on a seven-week journey doing exactly that: creating habits that support you to be more present with your body and pleasure.
The goal is for you to gain insight into your patterns around pleasure, create space for choice and give you tools to start experiencing pleasure in a more embodied way.
Want a bit more personal support? Book a free introduction call to discuss 1-to-1 coaching.